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Self-care. It’s something we hear about quite a bit these days, especially within the mom community. Google defines self-care as “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress,” and self-care is surely important—especially for us mamas who give so much of ourselves to others all day, every day.
The specific way in which self-care is practiced may look a bit different from person to person; one person’s form of self-care might look like going outside to take a walk or going to the gym by themselves; another person’s might look like going shopping; and still another’s might look like zoning out on a Netflix binge. Whatever it is, though, the point is that the person is engaging in an activity that fills their cup, refreshes them, and energizes them—it is an activity that cares for the self.
And there’s nothing wrong with that of course. But I want to share some thoughts today about something that is even more important than self-care, and that is soul-care. For the purposes of this post, I am referring to soul-care as engaging in activities that feed not just our flesh, but much more importantly, our spirits—activities that draw us closer in intimacy to our Heavenly Father and that which fill us spiritually.
The Lord recently impressed this distinction upon my heart after a month-long pursuit to focus on soul-care vs. self-care. It started at the beginning of the year as my church was encouraging members to participate in a three-week long fast (we ended up extending the fast to an entire month) in order to seek the Lord more intentionally as a new year was beginning. My husband and I, for various reasons, chose to fast TV, and it’s important for me to point out that one of the biggest ways I personally engage in self-care is by zoning out to TV at the end of the day, so my flesh was definitely not particularly excited about this.
As we began the fast though, some really incredible things started to happen, and I want to share my experience with you.
What happened when I cut out watching TV for an entire month
- I started hearing God again.
This was by far the most impactful thing that happened. By cutting out TV at the end of the day and spending that time instead in prayer, Bible reading, and book reading, I began to hear God’s voice so much more clearly and prominently. I quickly felt the Lord reveal to me that in watching so much TV, I was feeding my flesh but starving my spirit.
Cutting out TV allowed for the time to actually spend legitimate and purposeful quiet time with Him, and my soul truly came alive in the process. Surprisingly, I didn’t even miss watching TV! And I felt more refreshed and rejuvenated in soul and spirit than I had in a long, long time. - My husband and I grew closer.
Instead of getting the kids to bed and collapsing on the couch to watch a couple of hours of TV, for that month, we would get the kids to bed, and then retreat to our bedroom for prayer time and reading time. And get this—we actually had time to talk to each other! To process things together. To pray longer together. And my favorite thing that we did was read books together. For a portion of the night, my husband would read aloud to us out of a book of our choosing, and it was so amazing how God would speak to us both simultaneously through what we were reading together.
Cutting out the distraction of TV (and subsequently phone time) enabled us to grow in spiritual intimacy with one another, and it was beautiful. - I started reading books again.
Realistically as busy mams, when do we ever have time to sit down and read a book? Well, in cutting out TV at the end of the night, I found that I had plenty of time to do so! And I loved every second of it. In that month, I read five and half books—all of which I found enormously impactful and that I would recommend to anyone who is looking to grow as a Christ-follower or godly mama.
Here are the books I read and links to the books if anyone is interested:
The Will of God: Understanding and Pursuing His Ultimate Plan for Your Life by Charles Stanley
Bringing Up Girls: Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women by James Dobson
M is for Mama: A Rebellion Against Mediocre Motherhood by Abbie Halberstadt
Immediate Obedience: The Adventure of Tuning in to God by Rod Loy
The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the Modern World by John Mark Comer
I grew so much through these books. Each one deposited pearl after pearl of wisdom and insight into my mama-soul. I found reading these books to be so beneficial that even after our month long fast was over, I am carrying this habit with me and continuing to prioritize reading at the end of the night. - I freed myself from my reliance on TV to decompress and refresh.
I didn’t realize how much TV had a hold on me. It sounds a bit dramatic, I know, but my flesh had become so dependent on the zone-out that TV provides, and that dependence needed to be broken. And it was. And it felt so good, so healthy, and so life-giving.
I proved to myself that truly I didn’t need TV anymore to fill my cup; I learned instead that really what I need for an enduring full cup is time in fellowship with my Heavenly Father. Ten or fifteen minutes of quiet time with God (or sometimes non-quiet time depending on if the kids are cooperating or not!) just wasn’t cutting it in terms of truly feeding my soul. So breaking my TV habit was just the solution I needed to get back into close fellowship with the Father.
Now, you may be wondering, after the month was over did I resume my normal TV watching behavior? Well, yes and no. I did resume watching some TV, but on a much more limited basis. And I have tried hard to carry with me the habits of reading, prayer time, and Bible time at the end of night, as opposed to an entire night of just TV. So I feel much more balanced about it now, and I don’t in any way feel enslaved to TV; I no longer feel like I need it, rather I still do enjoy it to an extent, but it’s not interfering anymore with me getting the soul-care that I so desperately need.
So reflect on this for yourself now: self-care is important, yes, but are you practicing life-giving soul-care in your day to day? And if not, can you think of some practical ways that you could start doing so?
If you can, I promise you won’t regret it.
